He can be sweet, bitter, nostalgic, or cynical, but he cannot figure out how to be a man. - Hanna Rosin

There has been significant attention in the media recently about changing roles between men and women; most notably in The Atlantic, Slate, and The New York Times (Interestingly each written by women). One of the major themes in this trend is the rise of two things: The Omega Male and women who don't need them.

The entire article in The Atlantic is worth a read, but a few paragraphs are especially insightful:

"As the traditional order has been upended, signs of the profound disruption have popped up in odd places. Japan is in a national panic over the rise of the “herbivores,” the cohort of young men who are rejecting the hard-drinking salaryman life of their fathers and are instead gardening, organizing dessert parties, acting cartoonishly feminine, and declining to have sex. The generational young-women counterparts are known in Japan as the “carnivores,” or sometimes the “hunters.”

"American pop culture keeps producing endless variations on the omega male, who ranks even below the beta in the wolf pack. This often-unemployed, romantically challenged loser can show up as a perpetual adolescent (in Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up or The 40-Year-Old Virgin), or a charmless misanthrope (in Noah Baumbach’s Greenberg), or a happy couch potato (in a Bud Light commercial). He can be sweet, bitter, nostalgic, or cynical, but he cannot figure out how to be a man [Emphasis mine]. “We call each other ‘man,’” says Ben Stiller’s character in Greenberg, “but it’s a joke. It’s like imitating other people.”

"At the same time, a new kind of alpha female has appeared, stirring up anxiety and, occasionally, fear. The cougar trope started out as a joke about desperate older women. Now it’s gone mainstream, even in Hollywood, home to the 50-something producer with a starlet on his arm. Susan Sarandon and Demi Moore have boy toys, and Aaron Johnson, the 19-year-old star of Kick-Ass, is a proud boy toy for a woman 24 years his senior. The New York Times columnist Gail Collins recently wrote that the cougar phenomenon is beginning to look like it’s not about desperate women at all but about “desperate young American men who are latching on to an older woman who’s a good earner.”

Here's the thing; you might be this guy. You might know one, or ten, of these guys. The Omega Male is not a phenomenon; which is why we need to familiar with it and them.

The Complications of Roles

This is clearly a loaded subject; packed with a slew of issues like the following:

• Sociological: the well-documented prolonging of adolescence into emerging adulthood.
• Philosophical: according to the New York Times article, questions of self-understanding.
• Pop-Cultural: as the references in each article to movie and TV characters illustrate, the media that helped to create this phenomenon is selling it back to us and perpetuating it. I could've sworn there was a line in Fight Club about this.
• Economic: are cultures without America's vast economic luxury facing the same cultural issues? Are Belize, Rwanda, or Ecuador struggling with the same confusions?

The end result of all of it is wide-spread confusion over the roles of men and women, love and sex, relationship and friendship.

The Omega Male and the Church

What none of these articles have touched on is how this has invaded and effected the church.  Like any other social entity, the church tends to overemphasize certain things to the detriment of others. Beneath the din of culture war issues like abortion and gay marriage, we have to ask if the church has been faithful in teaching young people about proper roles for men and women. In the large segments of the church that clumsily "embraced the arts" in the last 7 years, did they spend as much time teaching those same artists what the Bible teaches about what a man is, what a woman is, and how they should interact in friendships and relationships?

The Omega Male and the gender role confusion associated with them are only recently being popularly analyzed and diagnosed, but by the time issues reach a popular level they are already ubiquitous. This would make it a good time for the church to ask how it can teach Omega Males to be men; to contend for the faith (Jude 3), to treat girls as sisters (1 Tim. 5:2), and to work hard like a farmer, sharing in suffering, competing by the rules like an athlete (2 Tim. 2:1-6)—all activities that Omegas aren't prone to do but about which the Bible is clear.

For further thought-provoking commentary on men, women, & relationships, I strongly suggest this video.

Click through to the Resurgence if you can't see the video.

I recently sat down with Matt Chandler, Pastor of The Village Church (A29) at the recent Acts 29 Retreat in Vail, Colorado. Matt shares some insights from what he has learned through his experience with cancer and how to lead yourself and your church through suffering.

For more from Dustin Neeley, check out his blog Church Planting for the Rest of Us.

Acts 29 Network

A network of churches planting churches for the glory of Jesus. Get more info.

We have all likely heard of the public ministry of Charles Haddon Spurgeon. However, his private ministry in his home may be even more compelling as he gives a profound example of what it means to pastor your first church body—your family.

Spurgeon says:

“If we want to bring up a godly family, who shall be a seed to serve God when our heads are under the clods of the valley, let us seek to train them up in the fear of God by meeting together as a family for worship.”

Susannah, his wife, describes the nightly scene at their house:

“After the meal was over, an adjournment was made to the study for family worship, and it was at these seasons that my beloved’s prayers were remarkable for their tender childlikeness, their spiritual pathos and their intense devotion. He seemed to come as near to God as a little child to a loving father, and we were often moved to tears as he talked thus face to face with his Lord.”

A visitor tells of his evening in the Spurgeon home:

One of the most helpful hours of my visits to Westwood was the hour of family prayer. At six o’clock all the household gathered into the study for worship. Usually Mr. Spurgeon would himself lead the devotions. The portion read was invariably accompanied with exposition. How amazingly helpful those homely and gracious comments were. I remember, especially, his reading of the twenty-fourth of Luke: “Jesus Himself drew near and went with them.” How sweetly he talked upon having Jesus with us wherever we go. Not only to have Him draw near at special seasons but to go with us whatever labour we undertake...

...Then, how full of tender pleading, of serene confidence in God, of world-embracing sympathy were his prayers... His public prayers were an inspiration and benediction, but his prayers with the family were to me more wonderful still... Mr. Spurgeon, when bowed before God in family prayer, appeared a grander man even than when holding thousands spellbound by his oratory.

Spurgeon, despite a schedule that would crush most and physical ailments that would cause the rest us to tap out, maintained this time with family regardless of his circumstances or company. It was his great joy to do so. May it be the same with us.

Sources and Further Reading:

• Family Worship: In the Bible, in History & in Your Home by Donald S. Whitney
• C.H. Spurgeon’s Autobiography by C.H. Spurgeon, Susannah Spurgeon, and J. W. Harrald.
• Spurgeon: A New Biography by Arnold Dallimore

For a great resource to help you lead your family in worship, check out the Rizers—fun, original music that helps kids memorize Scripture. Listen to the Rizers here.

The Rizers

A band that sings Scripture verses in the form of upbeat, kid-friendly music. Check out The Rizers.

Andy Stanley is the senior pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta. He'll be in Seattle on August 26 for a Catalyst One Day leadership event, along with Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv and a Q&A panel with Pastor Mark Driscoll. You get the best rate if you register by July 22.

Leadership, by definition, is forward-focused. Leaders are compelled to look ahead in anticipation of tomorrow's demands. But sometimes this foresight can prevent us from appreciating today's accomplishments. It can also blind us to a debt we all owe. With eyes fixed on the future, it's often easy to forget what, or more importantly who, is behind us.

In the wake of any success is a group of committed, gifted, and generous people who have facilitated the leader's accomplishments. If we are great at what we do, it is due in part to the dozens, maybe even hundreds of people who have gotten behind us and have given their most valuable commodity—their time—to support our vision.

If we think about the number of hours that people spend to enable us to do what we do, we could never fully repay them. This generosity creates a deficit in our relationships. So what do we do?

Two Simple Words

The appropriate response to that kind of generosity is to say thank you. You can't possibly pay for the hundreds of hours volunteers give you, and you can't give the hours back. So as simple and trite as it may seem, it really is the only fitting response.

4 Ways to Communicate Gratitude

Obviously there's more to expressing gratitude than a quick thanks. People have a sincerity meter that registers empty thanks a mile away. Here are four things to keep in mind when communicating the appreciation you really feel.

Be specific. When you say thank you, include details. There is a huge difference between saying thanks and saying thanks followed by a detailed description of what you caught, saw, or are aware the other person was doing.

Be public. Over the years we have learned the value of storytelling—the value of spending a few minutes in front of your leaders telling success stories that communicate vision, but more importantly, express gratitude. Public gratitude expresses a high level of value and can result in an even higher level of loyalty.

Be aware. You have to develop a mindset that looks for accomplishments to celebrate. Listen for stories two or three levels away in your organization and call or write to say thank you. Even though you didn't observe the act, you communicate, "I didn't see it, but somebody else saw it and they are talking about it. What you did is significant."

Be honest. Don't say you liked something you didn't. Remember, what gets rewarded gets repeated. Also, don't attribute something to someone that she didn't really do. Rather than being encouraging and motivating, you're communicating that you really weren't paying attention. So when you say thank you, be honest and don't overdo it.

Who Needs an Installment?

In Philippians 1:3-6, Paul summarizes this practice when he writes, "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Paul, who accomplished so much, recognized and expressed his appreciation for the generous partnership of the Philippians that made it possible.

If the man who wrote half of the New Testament said thanks, then we probably should too.

The Prosperity Gospel

Prosperity theology is a marketing scam. Learn about prosperity theology's dirty little secret.

The Gospel Coalition recently reviewed Dave Kraft’s book Leaders Who Last. In addition to noting that “this is not just another book on leadership,” David Murray had this to say about the book:

What stands out is Dave Kraft’s experience. The book exudes the maturity of Kraft’s 70 years of life, 50 years of following Christ, and 40 years of Christian leadership. It is a book written from the realistic trenches of long Christian service, and bears the unmistakable stamp of a humble Christian man who longs to leave a valuable legacy of leadership wisdom to the Church of Christ.

Read the entire review at The Gospel Coalition, and get the book here.

Churches Helping Churches

Who will help local churches in the wake of catastrophes? You can. Learn more here.

In my previous post, I spoke of the importance of regular times of family worship. I have three daughters aged 5, 6, and 8, and I have failed as much as succeeded. Here are a few things I've learned:

1. Keep it short

I would recommend 15-30 minutes, as a general rule. If things are going well, you can always keep the conversation going, but the goal should be brevity. If you make a discussion too long, it will become tedious and can actually turn your kids away from God. This time should be an overflow of all the Scripture, prayer, and discussion going on in the rest of your lives—not the only place where it happens.

2. Read

Most importantly, family worship is a time for Scripture. Make sure to read small chunks, maybe only a verse or two, at a time and then unpack it together. You can go through a book of the Bible, pick a verse that applies to the day’s events, or choose something topical. The important thing here is connecting Scripture to life in a way that your kids can understand. For younger kids, the The Jesus Storybook Bible is pretty hard to beat.

3. Pray

Everyone should pray together. Thank God for what he has done and how he has provided. Take requests. Pray for each other. Pray for your city and specific lost people in your lives. Remember that you are building a rhythm, which is just as important as any specific prayer.

4. Sing

It doesn’t matter if you can play an instrument or your voice curdles milk—we should all sing songs to God. Scripture is full of song, and our families should be as well. Truth be told, you are probably more of the problem with this than your kids. Young kids naturally sing all the time without any self-consciousness. Get over your hang-ups and desire for perfection and just sing together. My girls and I are making family songbooks as a creative project, and they’re stoked.

5. Keep it regular

The sum is greater than the parts. You will have off days. You will miss days. You may even question your call to ministry. Whatever happens, just keep at it and God will make you equal to the task.

6. Older kids set the example

If your oldest kid is not engaged, your younger ones will follow. Challenge your oldest children to set the example for their siblings. Give them a bit of ownership and a role in how you structure these times, and it will be a huge help.

7. Limit TV

I’m not saying kill your television completely, but there is no doubt in my mind that excessive TV rots the attention span. If your kids, or you for that matter, can’t pay attention to anything for more than two minutes, then think about what other entertainment might be captivating your senses.

For a great resource to help you lead your family in worship, check out the Rizers—fun, original music that helps kids memorize Scripture. Listen to the Rizers here.

Red Letter Music

Music from the Mars Hill band Red Letter. Pay what you want and download the full album now from Re:Sound.

As a pastor who leads others in worship through song and teaching, there is an overwhelming temptation to value what happens in public over what happens in private. It’s so easy to value public gifts over private faithfulness, and what happens on a stage more than what goes on in your closest relationships. This is true in many areas, but one of the most troubling is the neglect of fathers in leading their families in regular times of family worship.

Your Family: Your First Ministry

Before anyone can qualify to lead others through preaching, teaching, or song, they have to first be able to lead their family. This responsibility falls first and foremost on fathers, who are charged by God to bring their children “up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). This is one of the foundational qualifications for leadership, “for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Tim. 3:4–5) We are called to diligently teach our children both as a lifestyle and in specific times as we gather (Deut. 6:6–7).

The sad truth is that for many Christians, leaders or otherwise, this foundational time of fellowship and instruction simply never happens.

I was deeply convicted of my inadequacy in this area when I heard Don Whitney lecture from his excellent book Family Worship a few years ago. I was on autopilot with my family. My schedule was full and I felt very important to be so busy. I got up every day, went right into work mode, and returned every evening tired, spent, and looking to turn my brain off. I had everything backwards as I neglected my first and most important congregation—my family. I had no idea the opportunity I was missing; an opportunity to speak into my daughters’ young lives—not to mention the unequaled joy of seeing my kids grow in faith in Jesus.

There is nothing like walking in on my oldest daughter journaling her thoughts on the scripture we just read, or my youngest stating a profound observation when she appeared to only be dreaming of “My Little Ponies”—and I was missing it.

Lead Your Family

Leaders, make no mistake: if you neglect to lead your family in regular family worship, you have disqualified yourself to lead anyone else! If that is you, like it was me a few years ago, don’t throw in the towel. We serve a God of grace and new life. Repent of your neglect and start something new in your family today. Don’t wait! It’s not as hard as you might imagine, and even when it is hard, you are cultivating soil that will produce a harvest.

In my next post I will give you some practical ideas to get started.

One great resource to help you lead your family in worship is the music of The Rizers, the latest Re:Sound release. The Rizers have created an album of fun, original music that helps kids memorize Scripture. Check out the Rizers here.

The Rizers

A band that sings Scripture verses in the form of upbeat, kid-friendly music. Check out The Rizers.

Click through to the Resurgence if you can't see the video.

Check out this interview with Matt Chandler from the SBC Pastor's Conference. He talks about how a pastor can refocus his church on the gospel and how cancer has affected his family.

Doctrine Book

Doctrine: What Christians Should Believe is available now. Read a free chapter and find out more.

Recently I sat down with David Platt, Pastor of the Church of Brook Hills in Birmingham, AL, and author of Radical, at the Advance the Church 2010 Conference. In part one of our conversation, David shares his thoughts about the spiritual landscape of the South, his counsel for younger leaders, and his "one thing" for pastors.

Recommended Books

Get the best books on various important topics. Check out our recommended reading section.

Discerning God's Call series: Click | View Series

Ditches

There are two ditches that the church can fall into as they help confirm a person’s calling to gospel ministry. First, they can uncritically accept the internal call, or the subjective sense of calling, which is usually driven by emotions. Too often the church’s motto is, “Just let the boy preach!” The danger here is that we produce ministers who rely strictly on gifts and fail to develop godly character, all but ensuring future disqualification.

The other ditch is when the church makes it too difficult to be affirmed in gospel ministry. Such churches set the bar too high with regard to skill development (being a great preacher) or with regard to education (candidate must have finished seminary). There are many gifted pastors who started successful ministries even though they had never been to seminary, like Mark Driscoll or Matt Chandler. We need to be careful not to set the bar so high that we exclude from ministry those whom God is genuinely calling.

Tests

How should the church test whether or not a man is called into pastoral ministry from a skill perspective? There are at least two tests a church should consider. The first test involves a man’s understanding of Scripture. Questions that should be answered might include:

• Does he have a working knowledge of the whole of Scripture?
• Can he articulate the gospel story throughout the Scripture?
• Does he understand the controversial passages that have caused division in church history (Calvinism vs. Arminianism, method and mode of baptism, and so on)?
• Can he make concrete life applications from the Scripture?

The second test involves inspecting the fruit of his ministry. Questions might include:

• Can he inspire the church for mission?
• Can he cast vision for the church and inspire people to pursue that vision with him?
• Can he organize the church to reach its goals?
• Can he set up systems and structures that run apart from his direct influence?

Discerning God’s Call in Your Life

All three of these confirmations—heart, head, and skill—must be present in a genuine call. The pentecostal/charismatic camp tends to focus on heart and the supernatural calling from God, the reformed/evangelical camp tends to focus on the head, and the mainline churches often focus on skills—but in a genuine call, all three are present.

Above, I posed some questions the church should ask when considering a candidate’s call. Here are some questions for you to consider as you discern God’s call in your life:

• Do I enjoy learning and communicating the truth about God to people from Scripture? Am I willing to be disciplined in my study habits as a pastor?
• Am I able to lead people effectively toward a goal? Are people able to follow me? Am I willing to take some hits for decisions that I make?

Acts 29 Network

A network of churches planting churches for the glory of Jesus. Get more info.